small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
