Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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