Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she peed on how many people?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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