Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
