this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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