Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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