Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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