What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
