Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my poor anus
Sext me about skeletons
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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