So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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