She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
