Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
