We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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