I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
