i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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