my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
