one might say we're banned from that church
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
