really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize