im about as happy as oj after his trial
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i dont even know how to be here
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
