Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
