Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
