Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
