he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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