I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
