Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize