I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
