Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
