just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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