Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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