she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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