imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
