Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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