I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
