WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
