What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
