Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
