So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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