Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
