Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So vagazzling was a success
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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