god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
