Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
