Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She just used a chaser for red wine.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
