She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
