Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
