i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
