Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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