i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
