ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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