Will you blow on my dice?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Randomize
