well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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