So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
