That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
