Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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