I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
