Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
