i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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