You can't motorboat a personality
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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