my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
