He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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