Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
