you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
