I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
