Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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