Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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