I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
