I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
