Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
