I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
That was an excessively violent trivia night
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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