too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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