you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
