Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize