I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
