Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
