But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
