When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
