Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm jealous of your bromance
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
