In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
