Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
its liver damage thursday
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
