So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
