Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
