So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize