No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
