god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
