he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Green mimosas i think yes
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
