Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Randomize
