my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
